Tuesday, March 23, 2010

He... She....Love....!

1.     He. She. Std VII. Too early to know what is love. Can understand what is outside beauty. First day of class in Std VII. He saw her. She saw him. Eyes met with each other. From that day he started to notice her, to see her, to watch her activities. He was unknown of the Love-Factor. But he was addicted to her. Her eyes. Her looks. Her hairs. Her voice. Everything. He want to talk to her always. Its December. Its time for the yearly exam. Both passed and promoted to Std VIII. He becomes happy whenever he sees her. whenever their eyes met. He started feeling jealous whenever he sees that she is talking wid someone else (Male). He started to see her eyes randomly in the class. sometimes, she gives a notice to it, sometimes not. Year went and they were promoted to Std IX. He increased "to-see-her-eyes-randomly-in-the-class" factor. This time, this year, she was also a bit interested. She started giving a notice to it always. Always. He sees her. She sees him. Eyes met with each other. She smiles. This process started its repeat mode automatically, every minute. It was (This process) gave him immense pleasure. Wat about she, don't know ! Perhaps the case was same with her also. Yes, it was to early to know what is love. But, they judged with their little and im-matured mind-cum-heart that this was love. One day Our English teacher caught them. Why not ? He (This time He tends to our english teacher) was teaching with his heart and soul but they ( He, She) were busy in glancing in each other eyes. ( They used to sit at a 10 feet gap with each other). The whole class which includes 83 students noticed them. They feel ashamed ! The "glancing-in-each-other's-eyes" stopped ! He was sad. Wat about she, don't know ! But, after a few days its started again. Once again, He was very happy. He becomes very happy when his eyes met with her eyes. He seems to be the richest man, the happiest man on the universe for a few seconds. His friends told him, that "Abe tumko to pyar ho gaya hai" and words like that effect. Again it was too early to realize what is love. Year went. They promoted to class X. After few months he decided to say to her that what he feels about her. He started to search that chance when he can tell, explain, express his feeling about her. Time came. One day, She said to he that she want to tell something to him. He was overjoyed. ( Wo soch raha tha ki, chalo yaar accha hua, wo hi pahle propose kar degi. ) He replied to her that he also wanted to tell her something. Now, what she was thinking, who knows ? They decided a place where they can have their talk. Decision was like this, Kal shaam ko mere ghar ke paas ek party hai. Tumhe invite kiya hai ? oh, accha. Tum please jarur aana. Wahin par tum apni baat kehna aur mai apni baat keh dungi.

2.     He was upset. She was upset. She waited a long time for him. He didn't come. why he didn't come, don't know. It was of some unknown reasons. He was upset more than she. He decided to go her home and meet with her.

3.     He went to her home. Sorry mai kal party me nahi aa paya. Koi baat nai par maine tumhara bahut der tak intazaar kiya. she replied. He nooded with a sorry expression. Hmm, toh tumhe kuch kehna tha. He said. Tumhe bhi kuch kehna tha, pahle tum bolo. It was the reply from her side.This discussion lasted for at least one hour. Lastly, she decided to tell what she wanted to say.

4.     Wo ---------- ( sorry, i can't write her name) keh rahi thi ki wo tumse............! Kya wo mujhse.........., Apni baat complete karo please. He replied with a unknown face expression. Wo --------- loves you. Ab samjhe buddhu ! She replied. He was shocked. What was he expecting and what was the result. Bloddy damn !

5.     Now its your turn. You also wanted to say something. She said. Hmm... He said with a deeper voice and a silent expression. He said nothing. Just remembered that how they used to have a glance in the classes, every minute. 60 times in a hour. 320 times in a schooling day.  He said nothing. She wanted to know eagerly. But he said nothing.

6.     It was a proposal. A love letter. Which is rarely found in now-a-days love. Who cares, to write. But he cared to write. He has written all the feeling he can describe in a piece of paper (though it was very tough, somehow he managed to do it). He gave it to her. Not directly to her. It has gone through a medium to her.

7.     He waited. He waited....... No reply of that Love letter. He was upset. He was sad. He decided, to quit everything. He decided to quit the glances he managed to stole, in the classroom. Though it was tough but he managed to do it. He somehow managed to have nil links with her.

8.     Its was 08 Aug 2001. She gave a book to him. The  cover of the book says that it was a book for "Advanced Maths" for class X. There was something inside this book. He came to home. Opened that book. He got a piece of paper inside. "I accept your proposal with the help of this ordinary piece of paper". I could not write much coz  i am not so good in it. Believe me, whatever was written on that piece of paper, still attract him to read all those. (Still means, till date as it is 23 Mar 2010. He might have gone through that paper, a million-billion times but still he goes through that ) It was love. He. She. Love....!

9.     Now, it was quite comfortable life with having their wish completed. They loved. They rarely meet. But, they write. They write a lot. They wrote to each other. However, it was difficult to write the true feelings on a piece of paper. But, they tried for it.

10.    1 April 2003. Perhaps, it was their last meeting as a boyfriend-girlfriend. But, they were unknown from the fact that this is gonna to be their last meeting. They shared jokes with each other. They walked together, holding each other's hand for quite a few kms. They sit. They talked.

11.    8 Dec 2005. They meet again. she was someone's wife. They meet at their friends home. That day was their friends birthday. she prepared "Gaajar Ka Halwa" specially for him. Wat a devotion ! She is married, She is someone's wife. Still making the damn "Gaajar ka Halwa" for him. He wanted to have a glance with her (which they usually done in their classes, from std. VII to std. X). Eyes met. Smile was missing from She's face. He felt bad. He left the party.

12.    24 Dec 2005. He was leaving his residential place. He left. 26 Dec 2005. A phone call. Dialled by him. Received by her. wishes. Belated X-mas wishes. Advance Happy New Year wishes. Advance B'day wishes. (She used to cut the cake on 03rd Jan). Replies was Same to u, Same to u and thanks. Take Care ! These were the last words said by her to him. Who knows that this gonna to be the last talk between them.

13.    Now, She is no more in this Bloody World. Why she left this world, she knows or god knows. Might be it was above our imagination. No doubt, She was a goddess.

14.   He framed a suicide note like this:   (Might be he had written for the last time for her)

        My dear, 

                   I missed u all the day and night. I missed all the glances we stole in our classes. I think there is no other things which can make me happy other than our glances. Eyes meeting with each other. You smile. You shy. Don't worry dear. Don't feel yourself alone. I am coming. I am coming to you. We will be in a different world. There nobody have got the power to divide us. We will have a sweet life in a sweet home there. I am coming.......... 

15.    He had never suicided. Why ? Who knows !

Sunday, March 21, 2010

In search of humanity !

Inspired by Dibakar's Post:

Some of the masterpieces which  i have gone through last night, is appended below. Hope, u will feel the words and thoughts behind those words.

The Seven days of a man:

Sunday: you are a Maoist
you are no more a human

Monday: you are a minister
you are no more a human

Tuesday: you are a filibuster
you are no more a human

Wednesday: you are a joker
you are no more a human

Thursday: you are a traitor
you are no more a human

Friday: you are a pianist
you are no more a human

Saturday: you are a dead body
you are a human.

Monday, March 15, 2010


Disclaimer: Once again that fuckin "something" has worked ! And once again here it goes.......... 

"मेरी वीरान ज़िन्दगी को, खुशनुमा बनाते गए तुम
मेरी खवाबो को हकीकत का रूप देते गए तुम
मेरी चाहतो को नया आयाम देते गए तुम
मेरे हर कदम पर मेरा साथ देते गए तुम
मेरी हर बुरायिओं को अच्छाइयों में बदलते गए तुम
मेरी हर भावना को समझते गए तुम 
मेरी हसरतों को पूरा करते गए तुम
और अब मुझे यु ही मझधार में तनहा छोड़ गए तुम !"

वीरान: Silence, आयाम: Definition, मझधार: Mid of the way

I love you !

I think, something is there which is forcing me to compose all these fuckin poems. Some sort of feelings. some sort of thoughts. something. some.....thing....!

Disclaimer : If you are going to "read" this, then stop. Don't proceed. You are always welcome to feel the words, thoughts and feelings which it gives.              

purely written and composed by me

Do you think about me,
And what we had?
Do you miss us hanging out,
And everything we talked about?
All the times we spent together,
Everyday of that summer,
Are still on my mind,
I think about you all the time.
Do I ever cross your mind?
Do you ever wish you were mine?
What more can I do,
To let you know I still love you?
Cant you see,
When you look at me,
All the feelings I have for you?
I will never let them go.
If it weren't for you,
I wouldn't be here right now,
I'm holding on because of you,
I love you more than you know.


Tuesday, March 9, 2010

I Miss You !

" Missing someone can turn from 'pain' to 'pleasure' if you get to know that the other person is missing you too".
This SMS was received by me at 11: 43 pm on 14 Sep 09. That time it felt like a negative SMS. Why not ? Yes it was ! I was a bit upset coz the sender of this SMS was very very special. If  I would use "is" in place of "was" which is used in da last line then I am not wrong. Yes, She is very very special to me now also. And She will be......! Forever, Forever and Forever.................!
 Now, the tragedy is I am really in confusion between "pain" and "pleasure". Because, there is absolutely no sign of you. Dark Silence. Nil Activity. Nil Reaction. Nothing at all.
But, hey you I am missing you a lot.
Here is another piece of writing from me, in your rembererance. The thoughts, the feelings, everything that u can make a sense from the undermentioned words is purely dedicated to you.

Here it goes..........

Have you ever bothered to realize
how much you mean to me?
I care so much for you inside
and miss you so deeply.
I sometimes sit for hours
Just to hear from you
And when you never come on
I’m unsure what to do
I lay awake in bed sometimes
With you stuck in my head
Sometimes I question your love for me
Sometimes I walk at night
Just to gaze at a lonely star
Sometimes I fall to tears
Because you are so far
And every now and then
When I do speak to you
I always get worried
Incase you say we’re threw
And do you ever wonder
Just what I’m doing to
And do you know
Just how much I think of you
Because if tomorrow doesn’t come
And I haven’t spoke to you
how will you ever know?
Just how much I miss you.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

I Would Wish !

Upto what extent one can wish ? We have no control over our "wishing". Knowing full well that my wish gonna never to be completed, I can't control myself from wishing something. Some..........thing.

This hasbeen exclusively written by me. The words, the thoughts, the feeling is dedicated to someone very special. I hope she will go through this post at least once. I don't even know that she uses to read my post or not. But a kind of hope is there that, Shayad padh hi leti hogi yaar !

It is totally dedicated to u, my love. Here it goes...........

If I could have just one wish,
I would wish to wake up everyday
to the sound of your breath on my neck,
the warmth of your lips on my cheek,
the touch of your fingers on my skin,
and the feel of your heart beating with mine...
Knowing that I could never find that feeling
I would wish..................
I would wish, you come back in my life,
and you make my life alive !
Really, I would wish...............!