Ohh Shit !

Disclaimer: All that u r goin to read is real shit. Honestly, it suits the title. U r advised not (R) not to proceed. If then also u r not leaving this page, then procced at ur own risk.

It was a night of ecstasy. Of Fantasies. The cool wind entered the room through the window. Today itself he edited his playlist in the music player and changed the shuffle on from off. And here it was, the song 'Baanho ke darmiyan do pyar...' playing softly in the background. She was in his arms. So firmly. So deeply. So lovely. She was the most b'ful gal of this planet. (He believed) Wat a pleasure ! Wat a feeling ! Wat a feeling to have the most b'ful gal in ur arms. So close. And She is all urs. For this wonderful night. And for the rest of the life. Her scattered hairs were lying on his face. She rolled herself more tightly in his arms. He smootched her. He was going mad. And She too. (He believed) He wanted to have her. He wanted to have her this time and for the rest of his life. The things were goin beyond his control. Meanwhile the phone rang, 'Excuse me darling, u have a text message'. Ohh Shit ! Fuck ! He just clicked on to see the msg. It was :
I LOVE U JEE...
GOOD MORNING...
SUBAH HO GAYI HAI, AB UTH V JAYIYE.
He smiled. It was real She. All that was a dream. A beautiful dream. A romantic dream. A sensational dream. He wants the dream to be a truth as soon as possible.

Happy B'day !

# The way U used to say 'kya ho gaya baccha' when I looked tensed.
# The way U prepared "Kheer" that day for me. Even u were knowing how to make it though u called up mom just for ensuring a gud Kheer preparation. Really, it was the tastiest kheer I have ever had.
# The way u dressed up in suits most of the time, just for me. Even though u feel cofortable in western outfits.
# The way U slept that day. Head on my shoulder.
# The way we listned that song together for the last time. Hands on hands.
# The way................

Just missing all those ways. Itz her birthday today. This page is a good friend of mine since quite a few months. I share almost everything here. A very Happy B'day ma'm. Hope u r rocking it in one of the best B-Schools in India.
A very good life ahead !

Aapki PRATIKSHA mein !

He loved her. He loved the way she texted him throughout the clock. He loved the way she used to text him with her sleepy eyes in the late nights. He loved the way she text the scores of the cricket match (Any Nation Vs Ind) when He is not able to get in touch with the match. {Though, he expects from her to text  the scores of Any Nation Vs Any Nation cricket match}. He loved the way she understand him too well. He loved the way she knows what He wants to say, before he says. The previous 20 days was his good 20 days. {Though, it came after a too long pause}. They met on a regular intervals. They always talked about each other likes, dislikes, music, movies, families, family values, and tv serials too. {Though, he hated the last one}. Some of the times they talked about their future life. And after those times or moments they get tensed. And after a pause, they both decide chodo ye sab baatein, kuch aur baat karte hain na. Day before yesterday He asked two questions to her. The first one was, "Is Love possible between two friends" ? The second was, "Is Friendship possible once Love happens" ? He was satisfied with the answer of the first question but what for the second ? What for the second ???? Though it was love between them, they both knew it but never let it express. But, why ??? Who knows ! Yesterday was the day, He asked straightway "Tumhe mujse pyar hai " ? She was shocked by the promptness of the question. But thank to the Almighty, She nooded in a Yes mood. He was more than happy to notice this. He could not sleep yesterday night coz of the happiness, joy and something something.....
Today is the day he is feeling completely blank.  Too much happines followed by a complete blank. It is He. He is like that only. To say, absolute Random ! Though, today he was having a cause for the blankness. She was out of the town from today.{And to say wat a place that is where mobile networks even not working}. They can't talk. Can't text. And wat a bloody situation this is, that when she'll be back, he'll be out of the town. When he will come back again, he himself doesn't know. When they are going to meet again, they doesn't know. And That is Life ! Immediate Happiness and........ ! Lots of Love in a moment and Lots of Missing in next moment.

Aapki PRATIKSHA mein........ !

Life.52

Inspired by mangoman's post

That study table. Those silly jokes. That unexpected seperation. Those four years. Orkut. A phone call. Nice-talking-after-a-long-time message. Proposal. Accepetence. Endless talkings. Chattings. 1st date. Smiles. Happiness. Love. A trip to heaven. Romance. Coefee at Comesum. Railway station. That see off. Most Painful journey. Misunderstandings. Small Fights. Formalitites. Next meeting. Changed Behaviour. Last coeffe at footpath. The most beautiful yet painful journey. Phone calls. Fights always. Irritations. A phone call. Break up. I-am-always-there-for-you message. Nil correspondence. One-sided chats. Empty beer bottles. Ciggerette butts. Hangovers. Lots of blogging. Memories. Wet pillows. A phone call. A book. 2nd attempt. A hope. Failed. Illusions. Un-fulfilled dreams. Lots of missing. Life. You.

[Dedicated to the one who is an integral part of me]

Love brings PAIN...

Note : This is the continued part of the previous post (something far than love ; a fiction). I am finding it difficult to use the word "them" for them. (He, She). So, I decided to continue it with "I" (in place of He) and "Anushka" (in place of She). Please don't link this name with anything else. This is a pure imaginary name for this fiction.

Sometimes, Shaking hands is not enough to fill the distance but wiping tears always do wonders. Sometimes Sharing & Caring is not enough but a fight can do miracles. And same happened with us too. (yeah, we had a fight last night for a silly thing). After that fight, I and Anushka realized that we come a long way in such a short span of time. We used to chat for hours, no matters if we skipped our meals for that...No matter if we had to sacrifice our sleeps for our assignments which we were never able to complete on time. BUT THE CHAT MUST GO ON....Earlier, I used to think that I have nothing to do, so lets chat with Anushka. But later I came to know that, I don't do anything as I want to chat with her.
We used to talk about TV Serials ( Though, i am a strong hater of the fuckin TV Serials, but when it comes in between our chatting, don't know why I enjoyed it too), our likings, dislikings (She was always keen for it), our families, and our thoughts on some serious matter. And yeah, everyday we asked to each other about his/her day. We criticized each other, in fact we insulted each other and none of us minded to accept our shortcomings and we changed a lot too. And one day.....

Me: There ?
Anushka: Yeah
Me: I like you.
Anushka: What is this ?
Me: the truth
Anushka: u knw that I don't lyk such jokes.
Me: nd u knw that I don't crack such jokes.
Anushka: R U crazy ? Forget it... Itz not possible.
Me: Don't YOU lyk me ?
Anushka: Of Course, I do but only as a friend, nothing more than that. (I know she lied)
Me: Then why do we talk daily ? Talk to me, just lyk another friend.
Anushka: OK, as u say.
Me: Since today, we should talk on alternatives day.
Anushka: That too is more than necessary. We shall talk on weekends only.
Me: No, u can't do this.
Anushka: I can n u knw it.
Me: Why r u behaving so weired ?
Anushka: Bye. I shall talk to u on saturday, I think. Right now, I have some work. 
Me: I know that u don't have any work now.
Anushka: .............
Me: Are u dere ?
Anushka: ............
Me: Reply yaar. I knw u r reading my messages. Reply...
Anushka: .......
Me: Ok Bye. Once u have decided then u will not reply. I knw, I have to wait for Saturday.

I was not knowing that saying "I LIKE YOU" will change her mood like this, and she will react in this manner. Someone inside me (who always try to make my life complex) always knew that it would ended up like this but this would happen so soon... I never expected......
That night I could not sleep. I was hurt (though, it was a secondary reason) but I was thinking that might be she was right. She wants to be only a friend to me and nothing else. Then why, she talks with me daily. why we skipped our meals just for chatting with each other. why we sacrifice our sleeps. I think these questions wandering like anything in my mind all the night. (and, this was the main reason which was not letting me to sleep).
(To be continued........)

Something far than love

Disclaimer: This is a pure fiction. Nothing, other than the feeling is related to the dead or live things in this world.

They chatted everyday. Not in G-Talk. Not in Yahoo. Not in Facebook. They had developed their own way of chatting. She cared for him a lot. He wanted her in his life a lot. They know each other from the time, they realise their sense. Though, it was not love between them, it was something far higher, far devotional, far ( sorry, not getting the word actually to express). They never proposed each other, but they wanted each other in their life as one want Oxygen. Though, they meet rarely, they enjoyed each other's company a lot. She liked to sit with him in a bike and go for a long-long-long driving. In fact, he liked the long drives too much. (Specially in bikes). Nobody knows, what their future goin to be. Though, they dreamed of long driving. They dreamed of being very close to each other. They dreamed to hug each other. They dreamed to kiss each other. He dreamed of waking her up with a cup of coffee in the morning. He dreamed of staring at her when she's busy in front of the mirror. He dreamed of a head massage for her whenever she has got a headache (coz she was used to it). She dreamed of  preparing breakfast early in the morning for him. She dreamed to be the mother of his baby. They dreamed to be with each other for the lifetime. They dreamed a million of things. They were happy to discuss about the TV Serials, Reality shows between them. They never talked about love. They never talked about their future with each other. But, They wanted to.

"Hum labo se keh na paaye haal-e-dil kabhi
wo bhi samajh na paaye, khamoshi kya cheez hai..."

I think these lines of Jagjit Singh's Gajal suited best for them. A little difference was that, they both understand "khamoshi kya cheez hai" but they never let it express. However, both of them, was known of this "they wanted each other a lot in their life". Lets wait n watch what is goin to be their future........
(To be continued............)

दिल उदास है

दिल उदास है बहुत कोई पैगाम ही लिख दो

तुम अपना नाम न लिखो, "गुमनाम" ही लिख दो .....

 [ पैगाम = Mail ]

मेरी किस्मत में ग़म-इ-तन्हाई है लेकिन

तमाम  उम्र न लिखो मगर एक शाम ही लिख दो .....

ज़रूरी नहीं  है की मिल जाये सुकून हर किसी को 

सरे-इ-बज़्म न आओ मगर बेनाम ही लिख दो ......

ये जानता हूँ की उम्र भर तनहा मुझको रहना है

मगर पल दो पल, घडी-दो-घडी मेरे नाम ही लिख दो .......

चलो हम मान लेते हैं के सजा के मुस्ताहिक़ ठहरे हम 

कोई इनाम  न लिखो, कोई इलज़ाम ही लिख दो ......

[ मुस्ताहिक  = Deserver ]

 

"गुमनाम"

 Disclaimer: It is expected that You all will feel the words, thoughts and feeling hidden behind these words.

ये कैसी मुहब्बत, कहाँ के फ़साने

ये पीने पिलाने के है सब बहाने

वो दामन हो उनका की सुनसान सेहरा

बस हमको तो आखिर है आंसू बहाने

ये किसने मुझे मस्त नज़रो से देखा

लगे खुद-ब-खुद ही कदम लड़खड़ाने

चलो तुम भी "गुमनाम" अब मैकदे में

तुम्हे दफ़न करने हैं कई गम पुराने 

P.S: Some of my blog visitors are there, who never wants that I should know that he/she visits my blog. (At least once in a day). My heartiest thanks to those also who takes the pain to type "Mukesh Gorai, blog" in Google Search with windows 7 installed laptop and then start reading my posts. (Though, I know that who is it)  Thanks once again. Plz carry on b'coz it gives the blog author (me) a great energy + a kind of mixed emotions.( which sometime I think, is good for me)

"Raajneeti" -The Politics

   05th June 10:  A planning to watch the movie "Raajneeti". Failed to execute the plan. Reasons:

                      1. Santosh was having some commitment.
                      2. Me & AK was having a cricket match on 05th morning itself.
                      3. Ajeet, Suman, AK & Me again was having a Liquor-cum-dinner party.

However, the Plan was rightly executed on 06th June. Finally Me, Rishu, Ajeet, Suman, Santosh & AK went for the movie so called "Raajneeti". It was decided by the Board of Regiment* that 10pm - 1 am show will be a better option.
We entered the hall by running as we were a bit (5 mins or so) late. Let me tell u that here in south there is no craze of Hindi movies. Edhar to Rajnikanth hi chaye hue hain. These all bloody Tammis* love Rajnikanth and his movies. The best example was, the show was running only with 22 visitors inside the hall. Bloody Shame !

AK, Santosh, Ajeet & Suman liked the movie a lot. For Rishu, it was a mixed expression I think so. Now, coming to the point that what I felt about the movie. Lemme tell u that I am not a Politics/Raajneeti-freak guy. In fact I hate Raajniti/Politics. However, some of the scenes I liked was :-

(i) The unexpected kiss in the rain between Naseerudin Shah & some unknown (to me) actress.

(ii) The love/romantic/sad scenes between Ranbir kapoor and Katrina.

(iii) some of the smoking scenes performed by Ranbir.

(iv) The Background music which sometimes comes slowly slowly whispering "mora piya mose bolat nahi....."

And the whole movie expect the abovestated, felt me like something which is regularly generating a kind of itching/disturbness to my mind. In fact, Prakash Jha has not applied his heart in the making of the film. He has applied his cunning brain as well as the Present Scenario Politics and Past Mahabharata. C'on Jha Jeee come out of Politics/Raajneeti and think for a while. It will give a kind of pleasure/peace to you. This is the first movie I have seen, that after watching this, I felt that I have wasted my money as well as time & also taken a kind of headache.
Though, we enjoyed coz we all were there. At least not by the movie (not me) but by passing comments on each and every scene we watched.

Planning to watch, " I Hate Love Storys" !

* Regiment: The bonding of all six (ME, RISHU, AK, SANTOSH, AJEET & SUMAN)

*Tammis: The typical Tamilians

U R so away....

After a long gap, my feelings about u (someone special) is encrypted here (in a form of poem). Though, I deserve that (that u r away from me) I wanna be with you. Just wanna be with you.

[copyright reserved for Mukesh]

[Purely written by Me]

You are so away.....That Your smell no more tingle senses,

Though in a crowd often it seems

You are just around...

But I know you are away...

Light years away,

More away than I

Ever expected you to be.

Care- I see it everywhere,I never wished to have it so much.

I don't like them to care,

Yet they do, but You don't .

Its just like I am in the mid ocean:

"water water everywhere, but not a drop to drink"!!

They swear to follow me everywhere,

You too did, but you broke the promise.

But I don't care whether they'll keep it or not.

Night knows the pain,

Pillows know the tears,

They cannot consolate, they know.

You can consolate, but you don't know.

Wittiest one liners

Assorted in this post are the wittiest
one-liners you would ever come across. Here it goes:

# But the psychiatrist really helped me a lot. I would never answer the phone, because I was afraid. Now I answer it whether it rings or not.


# When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness .


# I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering


# I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.


# I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.


# Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.


# Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"?


# Jesus loves you, it's everybody else that thinks you're an ass.


# We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the ambulance.


# We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.


# Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.


# Doctors are as complicated as their handwriting.

A Question

Gone are the days when you had to depend on pigeons to spread the word of love and wait for another month to get her reply back. Half of the time poor birds used to get confused making wrong connections like delivering my mails to your girl friend (and you used to blame me).

Thanks to advances in science, love now knows no boundaries. Reliance and social networking sites has helped love grow faster and quicker. On the negative side, the social networking sites have also given  birth to a new generation of Net Romeos, stalking every female profile across globe. If you really want to imagine the pain of a girl who receives thousands of friend requests daily on Orkut (from horney people), you have to think of how you feel when you get unsolicited sms from Airtel about their nonsense promotions.

Usually web based love grows spiraling through four stages. Orkut stage (or introductory stage) lasts for 10 days where both parties get to know each other on basic level. Since privacy is an issue with Orkut,  love

moves to second stage, G-Talk stage.In this stage both lovers gets more comfortable with each other gathering various personal information like count of previous boyfriends /girlfriends. They also start sharing their pictures to each other and male will change his computer password based on her name. This stage nearly lasts for 2 months. Then lovers move to Phone stage. In this stage, phone bills start increasing and finally both parties switch to Reliance as it gives free talk time to other Reliance phones during night. At this stage lovers mostly discuss their daily routine like when did they take shower or what she bought from the market. At this stage both agrees that they love each other and can not live without each other. Then finally comes fourth stage, Face to Face stage. Both decide to meet somewhere to discuss how they are going to disclose their love to their parents.

Now my question is:

Is Science been a good supporter of love by introducing various networking sites, minimal call rates, free talktime(specially Reliance) OR Science been a curse to Pure Love ?

Painful Memories

was awoken this morning at 4.30am
with an onsaught of painful
memories
memories of stuff that I had
forgotten over the last few months
words, actions, looks have all come
back to haunt me
things, people, emotions i didnt
want to remember
situations i would rather forget
needless to say I am awake
trying to deal with the deluge of
recall
sigh..........

Lag jaa gale....

Well.... Itz been a long time since I last blog. Actually, in the recent past I don't remember that how many times I had clicked on the "new post". Everytime I cliked, think for a long long hours and at last abort the operation. Why ? I don't know !
Appended here is the song which is having a great impact on me. It seems the hangover (caused by this song) is still there. This song reminds me of "the endless talkings", "the most beautiful yet painful journey" and lots of emotional phases of my life. Here it goes..........

If you want to hear this then Click here

               *************

Lag jaa gale ki phir ye haseen raat ho na ho        
shayad phir es janam me mulaquat ho na ho
Lag jaa gale.........


Humko mili hai aaj ye ghadiya naseeb se
jee bhar ke dekh leejeye humko kareeb se
phir aapke naseeb me ye raat ho na ho
shayad phir es janam me mulaquat ho na ho
Lag jaa gale..............


Paas aaeyiye ki hum nahi aayenge baar baar
Baahein gale me daal ke hum ro le zaarjan
Aankhon se phir ye pyar ki barsaat ho na ho
Shayad phir es janam me mulaquat ho na ho
Lag jaa gale ki phir ye haseen raat ho na ho
Lag ja gale...............

Another Chance ??

12 days gone. No reply. No sign of you. Nothing. It was a second attempt & I failed again. I Can't write more than 'I m missing u a lot'.

The bad day !

Tiered. Confused. Unknown of myself. A kind of headache. Like somebody is hammering my head at the regular interval of time. A dry throat. An extra bit of thirst. Wanna open my eyes but WTF I am unable. Wanna move my tounge inside my mouth but WTF I am unable. Wanna wake up and get out of the bed but WTF I am unable. A dream which is made like a remix of all the bad dreams I had ever seen. Putting both my hands on my head and pressing it with an extreme force. An Absolute Hangover !

Luck fucks !

02nd Apr 10:

Scene I (My sweet home):
Beta, maine tumhare liye khana pack karke tumhare bag me rakh diya hai, aur kuch snacks aur mithai bhi rakh di hai tumhare doston ke liye. My sweet Mom said. Aur haan, kisi se diya hua kuch khana nai train me, aur achhe se jaana, pahunch kar phone karna. These were the words said by my mom when I was leaving for the base (read as Air Force Station, Chennai). Everytime I leave from the home, my mom says these similar words, with a couple of tears in her eyes. And everytime, my heart also comes very close to weep. In fact it weeps silently ! I LOVE YOU, MOM ! Phir kab aana hoga, these were the words said by Papa to me. As being employed in Defence Sector, I was unable to answer those words.
Scene II (Tatanagar Rly Stn):
Train No.8189 was on the platform no.1 as usual. I just went in front of the gate of the coach no.B1, to check my name in the passenger chart which was pasted there. Needless to say, I was looking for the passengers who were alloted births near to seat no.15 (let me tell u that it was a side lower birth, if u r also weak in calculations like me) especially the "F" passengers. Suddenly, I delighted to see some "F19" has alloted the seat no. 16 (just above my seat, side upper).She was named as "Reshmi Sahu" as per the passenger chart list.
Scene III (Inside the train):
I entered in the coach B1 with a mood of satisfaction that 'chalo es baar kisi buddhe ke saath safar kharab nai karna padega' . She is young. She must be good looking as I was thinking. My mind started imaging that how he should be ! How would be her looks and all.
The train no.8189 departs at 15:50 hrs from Tatanagar. Now its 15:40 and nobody came to occupy the seat no.16. I thought, once again my luck factor has taken me to the bloddy hell. Deep in these thoughts, I saw a fatty girl (might be she was 10x me) with specs on came to me and asked that "excuse me! ur seat no. is 15 ?" I said yes. She said mine is 16. Yuck ! Miss Reshmi Sahu F 19. (Railway should first witness the passenger and then place the sex and age on the passenger chart, i thought) She was looking 10 years older than the age which is supposed to be by the railway system. Once again, I cursed my luck.
Scene IV (Chennai Central Rly Stn):
Wat can I say more about the journey ! I had not spoken a single word with that moti. I passed the 80% of my journey in sleeping. I console my heart by saying to myself that, "Chalo beta, better luck next time" !

He... She....Love....!

1.     He. She. Std VII. Too early to know what is love. Can understand what is outside beauty. First day of class in Std VII. He saw her. She saw him. Eyes met with each other. From that day he started to notice her, to see her, to watch her activities. He was unknown of the Love-Factor. But he was addicted to her. Her eyes. Her looks. Her hairs. Her voice. Everything. He want to talk to her always. Its December. Its time for the yearly exam. Both passed and promoted to Std VIII. He becomes happy whenever he sees her. whenever their eyes met. He started feeling jealous whenever he sees that she is talking wid someone else (Male). He started to see her eyes randomly in the class. sometimes, she gives a notice to it, sometimes not. Year went and they were promoted to Std IX. He increased "to-see-her-eyes-randomly-in-the-class" factor. This time, this year, she was also a bit interested. She started giving a notice to it always. Always. He sees her. She sees him. Eyes met with each other. She smiles. This process started its repeat mode automatically, every minute. It was (This process) gave him immense pleasure. Wat about she, don't know ! Perhaps the case was same with her also. Yes, it was to early to know what is love. But, they judged with their little and im-matured mind-cum-heart that this was love. One day Our English teacher caught them. Why not ? He (This time He tends to our english teacher) was teaching with his heart and soul but they ( He, She) were busy in glancing in each other eyes. ( They used to sit at a 10 feet gap with each other). The whole class which includes 83 students noticed them. They feel ashamed ! The "glancing-in-each-other's-eyes" stopped ! He was sad. Wat about she, don't know ! But, after a few days its started again. Once again, He was very happy. He becomes very happy when his eyes met with her eyes. He seems to be the richest man, the happiest man on the universe for a few seconds. His friends told him, that "Abe tumko to pyar ho gaya hai" and words like that effect. Again it was too early to realize what is love. Year went. They promoted to class X. After few months he decided to say to her that what he feels about her. He started to search that chance when he can tell, explain, express his feeling about her. Time came. One day, She said to he that she want to tell something to him. He was overjoyed. ( Wo soch raha tha ki, chalo yaar accha hua, wo hi pahle propose kar degi. ) He replied to her that he also wanted to tell her something. Now, what she was thinking, who knows ? They decided a place where they can have their talk. Decision was like this, Kal shaam ko mere ghar ke paas ek party hai. Tumhe invite kiya hai ? oh, accha. Tum please jarur aana. Wahin par tum apni baat kehna aur mai apni baat keh dungi.


2.     He was upset. She was upset. She waited a long time for him. He didn't come. why he didn't come, don't know. It was of some unknown reasons. He was upset more than she. He decided to go her home and meet with her.


3.     He went to her home. Sorry mai kal party me nahi aa paya. Koi baat nai par maine tumhara bahut der tak intazaar kiya. she replied. He nooded with a sorry expression. Hmm, toh tumhe kuch kehna tha. He said. Tumhe bhi kuch kehna tha, pahle tum bolo. It was the reply from her side.This discussion lasted for at least one hour. Lastly, she decided to tell what she wanted to say.

4.     Wo ---------- ( sorry, i can't write her name) keh rahi thi ki wo tumse............! Kya wo mujhse.........., Apni baat complete karo please. He replied with a unknown face expression. Wo --------- loves you. Ab samjhe buddhu ! She replied. He was shocked. What was he expecting and what was the result. Bloddy damn !

5.     Now its your turn. You also wanted to say something. She said. Hmm... He said with a deeper voice and a silent expression. He said nothing. Just remembered that how they used to have a glance in the classes, every minute. 60 times in a hour. 320 times in a schooling day.  He said nothing. She wanted to know eagerly. But he said nothing.

6.     It was a proposal. A love letter. Which is rarely found in now-a-days love. Who cares, to write. But he cared to write. He has written all the feeling he can describe in a piece of paper (though it was very tough, somehow he managed to do it). He gave it to her. Not directly to her. It has gone through a medium to her.

7.     He waited. He waited....... No reply of that Love letter. He was upset. He was sad. He decided, to quit everything. He decided to quit the glances he managed to stole, in the classroom. Though it was tough but he managed to do it. He somehow managed to have nil links with her.

8.     Its was 08 Aug 2001. She gave a book to him. The  cover of the book says that it was a book for "Advanced Maths" for class X. There was something inside this book. He came to home. Opened that book. He got a piece of paper inside. "I accept your proposal with the help of this ordinary piece of paper". I could not write much coz  i am not so good in it. Believe me, whatever was written on that piece of paper, still attract him to read all those. (Still means, till date as it is 23 Mar 2010. He might have gone through that paper, a million-billion times but still he goes through that ) It was love. He. She. Love....!

9.     Now, it was quite comfortable life with having their wish completed. They loved. They rarely meet. But, they write. They write a lot. They wrote to each other. However, it was difficult to write the true feelings on a piece of paper. But, they tried for it.

10.    1 April 2003. Perhaps, it was their last meeting as a boyfriend-girlfriend. But, they were unknown from the fact that this is gonna to be their last meeting. They shared jokes with each other. They walked together, holding each other's hand for quite a few kms. They sit. They talked.

11.    8 Dec 2005. They meet again. she was someone's wife. They meet at their friends home. That day was their friends birthday. she prepared "Gaajar Ka Halwa" specially for him. Wat a devotion ! She is married, She is someone's wife. Still making the damn "Gaajar ka Halwa" for him. He wanted to have a glance with her (which they usually done in their classes, from std. VII to std. X). Eyes met. Smile was missing from She's face. He felt bad. He left the party.

12.    24 Dec 2005. He was leaving his residential place. He left. 26 Dec 2005. A phone call. Dialled by him. Received by her. wishes. Belated X-mas wishes. Advance Happy New Year wishes. Advance B'day wishes. (She used to cut the cake on 03rd Jan). Replies was Same to u, Same to u and thanks. Take Care ! These were the last words said by her to him. Who knows that this gonna to be the last talk between them.

13.    Now, She is no more in this Bloody World. Why she left this world, she knows or god knows. Might be it was above our imagination. No doubt, She was a goddess.

14.   He framed a suicide note like this:   (Might be he had written for the last time for her)

        My dear, 

                   I missed u all the day and night. I missed all the glances we stole in our classes. I think there is no other things which can make me happy other than our glances. Eyes meeting with each other. You smile. You shy. Don't worry dear. Don't feel yourself alone. I am coming. I am coming to you. We will be in a different world. There nobody have got the power to divide us. We will have a sweet life in a sweet home there. I am coming.......... 

15.    He had never suicided. Why ? Who knows !

In search of humanity !

Inspired by Dibakar's Post:

Some of the masterpieces which  i have gone through last night, is appended below. Hope, u will feel the words and thoughts behind those words.

The Seven days of a man:

Sunday: you are a Maoist
you are no more a human


Monday: you are a minister
you are no more a human


Tuesday: you are a filibuster
you are no more a human


Wednesday: you are a joker
you are no more a human


Thursday: you are a traitor
you are no more a human


Friday: you are a pianist
you are no more a human


Saturday: you are a dead body
you are a human.

 

तुम

Disclaimer: Once again that fuckin "something" has worked ! And once again here it goes.......... 

"मेरी वीरान ज़िन्दगी को, खुशनुमा बनाते गए तुम

मेरी खवाबो को हकीकत का रूप देते गए तुम

मेरी चाहतो को नया आयाम देते गए तुम

मेरे हर कदम पर मेरा साथ देते गए तुम

मेरी हर बुरायिओं को अच्छाइयों में बदलते गए तुम

मेरी हर भावना को समझते गए तुम 

मेरी हसरतों को पूरा करते गए तुम

और अब मुझे यु ही मझधार में तनहा छोड़ गए तुम !"

वीरान: Silence, आयाम: Definition, मझधार: Mid of the way

I love you !

I think, something is there which is forcing me to compose all these fuckin poems. Some sort of feelings. some sort of thoughts. something. some.....thing....!

Disclaimer : If you are going to "read" this, then stop. Don't proceed. You are always welcome to feel the words, thoughts and feelings which it gives.              
                                                                                                                              

purely written and composed by me

Do you think about me,

And what we had?
Do you miss us hanging out,
And everything we talked about?
All the times we spent together,
Everyday of that summer,
Are still on my mind,
I think about you all the time.
Do I ever cross your mind?
Do you ever wish you were mine?
What more can I do,
To let you know I still love you?
Cant you see,
When you look at me,
All the feelings I have for you?
I will never let them go.
If it weren't for you,
I wouldn't be here right now,
I'm holding on because of you,
I love you more than you know.

 

I Miss You !

" Missing someone can turn from 'pain' to 'pleasure' if you get to know that the other person is missing you too".

This SMS was received by me at 11: 43 pm on 14 Sep 09. That time it felt like a negative SMS. Why not ? Yes it was ! I was a bit upset coz the sender of this SMS was very very special. If  I would use "is" in place of "was" which is used in da last line then I am not wrong. Yes, She is very very special to me now also. And She will be......! Forever, Forever and Forever.................!

 Now, the tragedy is I am really in confusion between "pain" and "pleasure". Because, there is absolutely no sign of you. Dark Silence. Nil Activity. Nil Reaction. Nothing at all.
But, hey you I am missing you a lot.

Here is another piece of writing from me, in your rembererance. The thoughts, the feelings, everything that u can make a sense from the undermentioned words is purely dedicated to you.

Here it goes..........

Have you ever bothered to realize

how much you mean to me?

I care so much for you inside

and miss you so deeply.

I sometimes sit for hours

Just to hear from you

And when you never come on

I’m unsure what to do

I lay awake in bed sometimes

With you stuck in my head

Sometimes I question your love for me

Sometimes I walk at night

Just to gaze at a lonely star

Sometimes I fall to tears

Because you are so far

And every now and then

When I do speak to you

I always get worried

Incase you say we’re threw

And do you ever wonder

Just what I’m doing to

And do you know

Just how much I think of you

Because if tomorrow doesn’t come

And I haven’t spoke to you

how will you ever know?

Just how much I miss you.

I Would Wish !

Upto what extent one can wish ? We have no control over our "wishing". Knowing full well that my wish gonna never to be completed, I can't control myself from wishing something. Some..........thing.

This hasbeen exclusively written by me. The words, the thoughts, the feeling is dedicated to someone very special. I hope she will go through this post at least once. I don't even know that she uses to read my post or not. But a kind of hope is there that, Shayad padh hi leti hogi yaar !

It is totally dedicated to u, my love. Here it goes...........

If I could have just one wish,

I would wish to wake up everyday

to the sound of your breath on my neck,

the warmth of your lips on my cheek,

the touch of your fingers on my skin,

and the feel of your heart beating with mine...

Knowing that I could never find that feeling

I would wish..................

I would wish, you come back in my life,

and you make my life alive !

Really, I would wish...............!

Wat an innings !

Wat a way to get off da mark ! Nothing wrong with the ball, but timed it to the perfection and into the gap. That was the starting of a heroic journey of 200 runs in One day internationals. After that shot, boundary after boundary came and that too in a super easy way. There was absolutely no risk evolved in any of his shots. One of da drawback u can say is, he becomes so slow when the scoreboard tells that he is on 90s. Again when he was at 190s then also he was slow. But, why can't he ? U may not believe that he got out in his 90s a no. of times. In da year 2007 only he got out for 7 times in his 90s. Most of da great batsman can't score this no of centuries in his lifetime. At the last of the overs when he was close to the landmark, Dhoni was hitting the ball with immense power for the sixes and boundaries. But i think most of the audiance was not liking it. We all were saying that 'wat the fuck, dhoni is not taking single'. But at the end, hasim amla became the hero in the eyes of indian audiance by converting the boundary into single. Why not Amla ? That single gave the strike to sachin at 199*. Plenty of applauses, exitement, jumping in the air etc can be seen here in our TV room. And the ball pitched in middle nd leg and Yes, Sachin Tendulkar has made it. 200* in ODIs. He broke the record and made his own record. Salute to u little master.

Here, this is the fourth time i gone through the highlights (excluding yesterday's live performance) of that innings but still i m finding a kind of quench, thirst to watch it again and again.

Really, wat an innings little master ! Salute !

R u happy ?

'What can one do to attain happiness ?'

Itz a really tough call. But, as far as I think the answer of this question shld be 'drop the unhappiness to be happy'. For this we should find out, wat is da reason of our unhappiness.

As myself is concerned, dere is only 1 thing that causes unhappiness. The name of that thing is 'ATTACHMENT'. Attachment is an emotional state of clinging caused by the belief that without some particular person or some particular thing, I can't be happy.

Attachment is composed of two elements. (as far as me is concerned):
(a) The +ve element: The amount of pleasure & exitement, the thrill that I experience when I get what I m attached to.

(b) The -ve element: The sense of threat & tension that always accompanies the attachment.

Now, wat I feel is, the tragedy of an attachment is that if its object is not attained, it causes unhappiness. But, if it is attained, it does not cause happiness - it merely causes a flash of pleasure followed by weariness, and it is alwayz accompanied by the anxiety that you may lose the object of your attachment.

The moment u become conscious of your happiness, u cease to be happy. True happiness is uncaused.

Nw coming to the world of 'attachment'. There is no way to win the battle of 'attachments' except to 'DROP THEM'. And, I really started dropping them.

Note: I knw many of u wl nt like this post nd even the previous post (freedom vs love). But, wat i was thinking from the last one month or so, i wrote. And i m really strictly adhered to my posts. This is, 'wat i am'. I like the tagline of 'Reebok'. I am wat I am. No argues and no questions plz...........

'Freedom' Vs 'Love'

Just close ur eyes. Meditate for a while. Think of someone whose love u desire. Do u want to b important, to b especial nd make a difference to her life ? Do u want this person 2 care 4 u nd b concerned abt u in a special way ? If u do, open ur eyes nd see that u r foolishly inviting others 2 reserve u 4 themselves, 2 restrict ur freedom 4 their benefit, 2 control ur behaviour 2 suit their interest.
B'coz as I felt nd experienced, the other person says u silently, 'If u want 2 b especial 2 me then u must meet ma conditions. B'coz da moments u cease to live up 2 my expectations, u wl cease 2 b especial.'
So, u have 2 pay a price in 'lost freedom' if u r opting 4 'love' or 'relationship'. "Freedom" nd "Love" can't b together. If u opt 4 the one u wl certainly lose another. If u choose 'Love' then u have 2 dance into the tune of other person.

Don't u think that it is worth paying so much for a little. C'on man don't b emotional.

I would rather say, "LEAVE ME FREE TO BE MYSELF, TO THINK MY THOUGHTS, TO INDULGE MY TASTE, TO FOLLOW MY INCLINATION, TO BEHAVE IN WAYS THAT I DECIDE ARE TO MY LIKING".

U decide, what u want, 'Company in Prison' or 'Walking the earth in freedom all alone'. Some g8 man has said, i quote ; We walk faster when we walk alone ; I unquote. I choose the 2nd one.

A touching letter

A letter written by Ananya* to Krish* that touched my heart a lot......

"Hello my panjabi hunk,
Miss me ? I do. I miss our cuddles, I miss our walks in campus, I miss studying together and then going for midight chai, I miss running to my dorm every morning to brush my teeth, I miss eating pao-bhaji on the char rasta with u, I miss the glances we stole in class, I miss my bad grades and the tears afterwards u wiped, I miss how u made me laugh, I miss how u played with my hair, I miss how u used to watch me put eye-liner, I miss............ Oh, u get the drift, I miss u like hell.
Meanwhile, I am fine in Chennai. My mother is at her neurotic best, my father is quiet as as usual and my brother always has a book that says Physics, Chemistry or Maths on the cover. In other words, things are normal. I mentioned u again to my mother. She called a priest home who gave me a pedant to make me forget u. Wow, I never thought they'd react to u like this. Well, it is going to take more than pedant to forget u, but for good measure I tossed it into the Bay of Bengal on Merina Beach. I haven't mentioned u since, because I know u will come to chennai and charm them yourself-- just as u charmed me."


Bye, my love,
Ananya
PS: Oh did I mention, I miss the sex too.


Ananya: A south indian gal with whom krish fell in love. (Both are the characters of "2 States")
Krish: A panjabi guy or u can say chetan bhagat himself.