Wittiest one liners

Assorted in this post are the wittiest
one-liners you would ever come across. Here it goes:

# But the psychiatrist really helped me a lot. I would never answer the phone, because I was afraid. Now I answer it whether it rings or not.


# When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness .


# I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering


# I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.


# I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.


# Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.


# Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"?


# Jesus loves you, it's everybody else that thinks you're an ass.


# We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the ambulance.


# We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.


# Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.


# Doctors are as complicated as their handwriting.